"And I thought I knew my kids well ..."
Listen to your children. Invite your children to listen to you. Talk to a partner family online, together.
Lockdown saves 90 minutes daily commuting time. Let's use this time to cultivate good conversation!
They used to be really cute ...
"Apparently, there are some 14 year old girls out there who are nice, cooperative and quite sensible. So I'm told. Well, ours are not. Puberty has turned them into part-time monsters!"
Stephan and his wife run a farm in Flanders, Belgium. When they married 22 years ago they didn't know it would take them a lot of patience and a fair bit of medical assistance to become parents. So when Petronella finally gave birth to healthy triplet girls in early 2006, they were the happiest couple on earth.
Nowadays they comfort each other every evening before going to bed with a reassuring
"They'll grow out of it!"
Hopefully they will. The three girls are giving their parents a really hard time.
Stephan's family has been part of the Global Natives community since the girls turned twelve. Both their partner families in Florida and in the Camargue have triplets too. But these girls - although quite typically adolescent, too - certainly aren't as hostile towards their parents and their siblings.
"I just don't know how to cope any more! We are desperate."
Or at least, that was the situation until mid-March 2020.
"Every time Petronella and I sought to discuss a conflict peacefully, we failed miserably over these last 18 months. If an idea came from us, it was bound to be rejected. Then we read the proposal for The Liberating Lockdown Talks.
We read it a couple of days after the announcement came that schools in Belgium were going to be closed for some time. This filled us with absolute terror! So Petronella rang the girls' class teacher and asked for his help. And he saved us."
"The Liberating Lockdown Talks" and the online diary project:
The class teacher decided that this was a fantastic exercise for the entire class during the impending lockdown, and that he would ask all students' families to take part in the experiment. He wrote to all parents and students, laid down the rules and requested that students should keep an online diary of the conversations they held. So Stephan and Petronella "had to do" what they had wanted to do, and the girls were quite happy with it.
With the talks, the tide started to turn.
"As of today, we've held eight talks, each lasting considerably longer than an hour.
With three teenagers having a lot to say for themselves and the rest of the family
being forced to listen attentively, they might as well have lasted all day!
The girls got into the swing of it straight away, whereas Nell and I had to come to terms with being targeted so heavily at first. It wasn't until the fourth day that it dawned on us that probably none of us had been able to conclude an opinion or a statement.
Not for many years, you know!
There were always interruptions, criticism, comments etc. and it was impossible to come to a conclusion with an argument. Either a sibling or a parent would always butt in, and that clearly caused an ever-growing amount of frustration to build up.
The rules of the game created an outlet for that.
Professionals would surely call it mental hygiene, I'm sure. Since we have all acknowledged it, life in the family has changed drastically! Nell and I have learned the most astounding things from and about our girls over the last few days, it has moved us to tears.
Now, and only now, are they starting to ask us what we think in return.
Obviously they needed to let off steam first, to be heard out.
The week running up to Easter is something we really look forward to now."
Stephan and his wife run a farm in Flanders, Belgium. When they married 22 years ago they didn't know it would take them a lot of patience and a fair bit of medical assistance to become parents. So when Petronella finally gave birth to healthy triplet girls in early 2006, they were the happiest couple on earth.
Nowadays they comfort each other every evening before going to bed with a reassuring
"They'll grow out of it!"
Hopefully they will. The three girls are giving their parents a really hard time.
Stephan's family has been part of the Global Natives community since the girls turned twelve. Both their partner families in Florida and in the Camargue have triplets too. But these girls - although quite typically adolescent, too - certainly aren't as hostile towards their parents and their siblings.
"I just don't know how to cope any more! We are desperate."
Or at least, that was the situation until mid-March 2020.
"Every time Petronella and I sought to discuss a conflict peacefully, we failed miserably over these last 18 months. If an idea came from us, it was bound to be rejected. Then we read the proposal for The Liberating Lockdown Talks.
We read it a couple of days after the announcement came that schools in Belgium were going to be closed for some time. This filled us with absolute terror! So Petronella rang the girls' class teacher and asked for his help. And he saved us."
"The Liberating Lockdown Talks" and the online diary project:
The class teacher decided that this was a fantastic exercise for the entire class during the impending lockdown, and that he would ask all students' families to take part in the experiment. He wrote to all parents and students, laid down the rules and requested that students should keep an online diary of the conversations they held. So Stephan and Petronella "had to do" what they had wanted to do, and the girls were quite happy with it.
With the talks, the tide started to turn.
"As of today, we've held eight talks, each lasting considerably longer than an hour.
With three teenagers having a lot to say for themselves and the rest of the family
being forced to listen attentively, they might as well have lasted all day!
The girls got into the swing of it straight away, whereas Nell and I had to come to terms with being targeted so heavily at first. It wasn't until the fourth day that it dawned on us that probably none of us had been able to conclude an opinion or a statement.
Not for many years, you know!
There were always interruptions, criticism, comments etc. and it was impossible to come to a conclusion with an argument. Either a sibling or a parent would always butt in, and that clearly caused an ever-growing amount of frustration to build up.
The rules of the game created an outlet for that.
Professionals would surely call it mental hygiene, I'm sure. Since we have all acknowledged it, life in the family has changed drastically! Nell and I have learned the most astounding things from and about our girls over the last few days, it has moved us to tears.
Now, and only now, are they starting to ask us what we think in return.
Obviously they needed to let off steam first, to be heard out.
The week running up to Easter is something we really look forward to now."
